A Bit of Cyn

The kids and I spent 10 days in TX with my parents. My dad recently took a new job at Texas A&M, so he works there about one week a month. The kids and I decided to tag along this time, while Ron was in India. (Yeah, I think I mentioned most of this earlier.)

Let me tell you, it was exhausting! The kids were clingy and missing home. They asked me several times when they’d get to see their dad again. Before we even got to my parents place Sophia was asking when we were going home. She said she missed her bed. Yeah, it was a long 10 days.

We did so some fun things, though. We went to Washington-on-the-Brazos State Park. It just so happened that we were there during the Republic of Texas Independence, so they had several events. We spent about 4-5 hours at the Living Farm. The kids had a lot of fun. Sophia learned how to dance, the kids played with toys from the time period, they got to wash clothes using a washboard. (Sophia seemed to love this. She did it twice!) They watched ox plow a field, made corn husk dolls, saw how/where the people (including slaves) lived, and even made rope! It was really pretty cool.

We also went on a tour of the Blue Bell Ice Cream Factory. We saw how the ice cream is made, packed, and shipped. It was pretty neat. Of course, we got to eat some, too.

We made lots of trips to many different parks. It turns out the kids were much more interested in the surroundings than the actual playground equipment. At one point, Sophia exclaimed, “Mom, you gotta see this!! A whole patch of 3 leaf clovers!!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her 3 leaf clovers are every where. They also discovered steams with minnows and ponds with ducks that liked eating bread they threw for (or rather, at) them.

My parents and I took the kids kite flying. They absolutely loved it. Drew was able to get his kite to fly, but Sophia’s kite was a piece of junk that wouldn’t get fly for anything! So there was a bunch of fighting over Drew’s kite. Even my mom ran with the kite and was able to keep it flying. It was fun to see all of us with the kids, acting like kids. Sophia had another famous quote. She was mad that Drew wasn’t sharing his kite so she stomped up and down the field screaming, “I’m mad and Drew doesn’t care!” She said this over and over. It was really quite funny.

I think I’ll enjoy the memories of the trip much more than I enjoyed the actual trip. It was hard being the only parent, with my parents. The kids and I shared a room, with Drew and I sharing a bed, which meant kids went to bed late, I didn’t sleep well, and I couldn’t wait to get home, sleeping in our own beds. Ugh…

And it’s hard for me to believe. In the last week, both kids have given up pacifiers. It was rough to begin with, but we are done with them. They now do bed and nap (and of course, all day) without them. There is no longer a power struggle about whether to have them or not. But, it’s a sign that my babies really ARE growing up. (Yay! And, boo!)

During that same week, Drew decided to learn how to climb out of his crib. Noo!! It wasn’t a one time incident, either. We are looking at taking the crib down and move him to his toddler bed this next week or so. (He really only tries to get out when he’s done with his nap or in the morning.) I’m so not ready for this transition. I was hoping to have a little time until we took this step. However, I do think he’ll move to a bed more easily than Sophia did. We shall see…

It was also my plan to wait about a month after the pacifiers were taken away to give a serious shot at potty training Drew. Now I’m not sure if I should wait until we move him to a bed, or just pick a date and go with it. I think I’ll wait a couple weeks to see how it goes before deciding. I think I’m going to put him in underwear, though, when I give it a shot. The wetness may encourage him to make it to the toilet instead of going in his underwear.

It’s so hard to believe my littlest baby is growing so quickly, and I’ll never go through these milestones again. But, I’ll have many more milestones to look forward to!!

This will probably be boring for most (or all) but I have to “say” it before I scream. Today has been loooong. I haven’t gotten much sleep the last couple nights because of two things. First, we have taken the pacifiers away from both kids. Second, Drew has ear infections in both his ears…again! So, both kids are sleeping like crap which means I’m sleeping like crap. Lovely. Oh, and did I mention that we gave up pacifiers on Sunday? Yeah, no sleep here.

Ron left this afternoon on a work trip. He’s only gone for two nights, but I get the sense that they are going to be two loooong nights. Hopefully Drew’s temp will break in time for him to return to daycare tomorrow. I have so many work items I need to work on, sleep to catch up on, and cleaning to do. It feels overwhelming at the moment.

Playing in the Water, originally uploaded by cynandron.

We went to our friend Dale’s house on Sat. in WI. We spent almost all day at the beach. It was a blast, really. The kids played in the sand and water, went on the boat, found a crayfish and played with it, and enjoyed the other kids that were also there.

They had so much fun that Drew didn’t get a nap until 3 pm when he usually naps at noon. He wasn’t even cranky!

After the beach we went back to Dale’s for dinner and a bonfire. And of course, S’mores! Yum! The kids played with the chickens, ran around his huge yard, found a frog, and watched the older “kids” (adults) ride dirt bikes around.

Ron and I both have some sun burn. I did put stuff on me a couple times, but I either didn’t get it on well enough, or I didn’t put it on early enough. Sophia doesn’t have ANY sunburn (thank god), but Drew has a three inch band on his lower back and a spot on his shoulder. I know how he got his. See, I usually put the sunscreen on the kids while they are naked. That way I don’t miss any spots. Well, Ron put Drew in his swimsuit, then put the lotion on. While we were at the beach, he took his suit off and only had his swim diaper on. That would be the small band that got burned. Still, it makes me so sad! Fortunately it doesn’t seem to hurt much, so I’m thankful for that. But, this is definitely a lesson for us!!

Last night I brought the kids home late at night (it’s a 2 hour drive) while Ron stayed overnight. I got home, got Drew out of the car, still sleeping, walked to our back door and realized the door was locked!! So I go to the car to get my keys, only to remember that my house key was IN the house!

After making some calls (and having Drew screaming), we drove to my parents to spend the night there. I’ve been so tired all day long. I was tired last night when I got home, then had to get the kids to my parents and in bed, and had to share a bed with Drew. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well. Then Drew woke up at 5:45 am. OMG!

Ron woke up early and made his way home. We’ve had a rough day with the kids who were also so tired all day. We were hoping an early nap would solve the attitude problem with the kids. No such luck. Sophia refused to nap, and Drew had a short one. It was no surprise to us (okay, a little) that they were in bed, sleeping by 6:45 pm.

Oh, we also learned that we NEED to have a spare key some where on our property. And, if last night hadn’t happened, we would have had a very nice time!

I think he likes cake, originally uploaded by cynandron.

My goodness. How is it possible that my little baby boy is two already? In many ways, I still see him as a baby. (Which may not be the best thing for him, but it is what it is.) He obviously is NOT a baby, but he’ll always be my baby.

It’s amazing that he has gone from this little guy who needed me for everything to this trying to be independent guy who still needs mom when he’s tired, hungry, not feeling well, or is frustrated that life isn’t going as he hoped. Oh, and for the lap to sit on for cuddling.

He has many, many words now! Thanks to all of those who told me to just wait and not worry. Sure enough, this guy is picking words up left and right. He’s using 2 word sentences and surprises me almost daily with what he knows/can say. He’s still “advanced” when it comes to large motor skill activities. He is oh so close to being able to pedal his trike. Sophia just learned last year when she was 3!

The boy loves art. His daycare always tells me how he tries to be first in line for any of the art activities because he loves it that much. At home he’s always asking to color, do playdough, glue or cut. (He can’t really cut yet, but he wants to!) He loves using chalk outside, too.

And, he is ALL boy. He is obsessed with trucks and buses. If he’s crying, I’ll get a book with either of these and almost always the tears are gone. His favorite song is E-I-E-I-O. He’ll tell you which animal is on the farm, too. LOL

Here are some answers to questions I ask him:

Drew, what’s your favorite shape? Oval.
Drew, what’s your favorite color? Blue (or octagon; I keep telling him that’s not a color but he doesn’t seem to care)
Drew, who’s your best friend? Angie (daycare teacher) or Heidi (daycare friend)
What’s your favorite song? E-I-E-I-O
What’s your favorite animal? Mooo (I think that means cow)

Here’s to you, Drew (and me, for giving birth to you and having a birthday myself tomorrow)! Happy Birthday, Little Big Boy!

Anyway, we’re heading to IA to meet up with some of Ron’s family tomorrow. Hope you all have a safe, happy, and fun Memorial Day Weekend!

When I pick the kids up from daycare, there is always a note in their folder telling the parent about the day and what happened. I was so excited when I read Drew’s today. It said that they changed his diaper and asked him if he needed to potty. He didn’t want to. He came back to them 10-15 min. later saying he had to go, and he DID!! They were so excited, and so am I!

We’re trying to set a date for when the pacifiers are going away completely. It will probably be in a couple weeks. Sophia and Drew will be giving them up, without their consent. Sigh… A couple weeks after that (maybe a week) I’m thinking of going full force with potty training. He knows what to do and how to do it. (He’ll go at night as long as I go, too.) The only part that really worries me is pooping in the toilet. But, one thing at a time.

Still, I’m really proud of Drew and his potty training!

I have to say, I’ve actually enjoyed most of the day so far. And honestly, it’s surprised me. Today is Wednesday, which means I’m home with both kids today. Usually Wednesday’s are hectic, anxiety ridden days. I enjoy the kids, I do. But it doesn’t take much for me to lose my patience, pray that the day will end soon, and wish that Ron would just come home already.

Today has been much different. It helps that Sophia slept well last night. She had a full nights sleep and woke up in a good mood. Last night she told me she wanted to go to the Children’s Museum and I figured why not? We ate breakfast, the kids watched TV while I showered, and off we went. (We didn’t even fight about getting dressed! Now THAT’S a miracle.)

The kids walked, without whining, into the museum. They followed me. They listened when I asked/told them to do things. (Okay, let’s be real, some times they didn’t listen on the first command, but they did it without me yelling or losing it. Again, another miracle.) We played (Curious George is the new exhibit and so much fun!), and really had a good time. Drew ran into the Curious George exhibit and hugged the statue. It was so dang cute. I wish I had my camera. They made transitions fairly easily, which does not usually happen.

I think I was a bit smarter today in that we got there right as it opened, and we left before lunch time. We stopped at McDonald’s to eat. Both kids were quite well behaved, which again is different than usual when it comes to eating out. I got the kids home without any melt downs, screaming, yelling, threatening, etc. They even played together and laughed in the backseat of the car. It was really, really nice to listen to. We were back home before Drew’s nap, which I think also makes a difference.

I told Sophia how proud I was of her behavior today. How she did such a great job of listening and following directions. I told her I had a lot of fun with her, and that was really nice. She had a great smile on her face. It was really, really nice. We’ve decided that if the weather holds out, we’ll go kite-flying after Drew’s nap. Hopefully that’ll work out. It’ll be a fun activity for all of us. It would be nice to end the day on an up note!

Tomorrow, I will be the parent of a four year old. A FOUR year old!! How can that be?! Seriously, it’s crazy. Looking back, it really DOES seem like four years (or more). But on the other hand, how could it have been four years already? Ugh, I’m so not ready for this.

Since Sophia won’t be at daycare tomorrow, they celebrated her birthday today. I brought in cupcakes for all the kids. They were so cute! All of them were so excited for the cupcakes and to help Sophia celebrate. The tradition is to have all the kids sit in a circle. They turn out the lights, turn a flashlight on, put it in the middle of the circle, while the birthday child walks around the “sun” (the flashlight) while holding a globe (representing the earth, obviously). Then the kids sing this song:

“The earth goes around the sun, tra la la, the earth goes around the sun.
The earth goes around the sun, tra la la, and (child’s name) turns one.”

You sing this song until you hit the child’s new age. It’s really kind of neat!

Then the birthday child passes around pictures; one from each year of that child’s life. Sophia loved doing this, telling all the kids “that one was when I was a baby, with my daddy.” Then we did the cupcakes.

As we were getting ready for the cupcakes, Sophia asked if Drew could help her celebrate, and have a cupcake with her. How could I say no? (Even though I knew it would just upset him more when I didn’t leave the building with him.) They sat right next to each other, eating their cupcakes. It melted my heart, that she wanted him there and that they were so happy with each other at that moment. *awwww* I got some good pictures, too.

I also got a great picture of her with her “marrying friend”, Jordan. Seriously, I think they’ve been talking about marrying each other for over 6 months. Though, they did call it off once, but have since decided to give it a go again. LOL I think all this talk is so cute at this age. They have absolutely no idea what they’re talking about which is part of what I find so cute. Anyway, I’m going to get the picture printed out and give one to his parents. (They love Sophia, so it’s kind of cute.) For the record, no one encourages this talk (as in parents), the kids just talk about it themselves.

Tomorrow we’re giving her a present: an Ariel baby to go with her other princess babies. She’ll love it!! My mom is taking her for the morning, alone, so I hope they really enjoy some alone time together. (I’m taking Drew to the doctor for a follow up on his tubes.) In the afternoon, our neighbors with kids the same age are coming over for a little, tiny celebration. It should be nice. We’ll be doing a party for both kids on May 12th. (Drew’s bday is May 25th, so it works out well to do them together.)

In other Phia news, I have to share something funny she said. We had just cleaned her room, and she look at all her stuffed animals and dolls and told Ron, “I have so many stuffed animals and stuffed people!” Ron looked at me, then back at her and said, “Um, we call them dolls. It’s okay to stuff animals, but we don’t stuff people. They’re dolls.” LOL

For the last few days I’ve had a sore throat. It wasn’t been horribly sore, but sore enough. I figured I was just getting a cold since, you know, I just HAD strep. So I let it go for a few days.

Yesterday I started having more fatigue and body ache. But I think I was still in denial that it could be anything more. Today I decided it was worth the time and money to just go see if it was strep or not. I kind of was thinking it might be, but again, how could it be?

They called me about 25 min. after my appt. to tell me it was positive. *sigh…* Again?! Seriously, people, I haven’t had strep since I was in Jr. High, then I get it twice in one month. The joys of parenthood, for sure. I’ve started the antibiotics, so only 23 hours until I am no longer contagious. (And I will publicly apologize to all of the people who get strep from me walking around for DAYS being contagious without knowing.)

The kids are going in this evening to get tested. The nurses theory (and mine) is that Sophia is the carrier. It’s been cycling through her room and someone was diagnosed with it earlier this week. Being a carrier means she has the bacteria, but no symptoms. She then gives it to me, and I get the symptoms!

What makes this all worse is that we had plans for this whole weekend! Sophia was supposed to spend the night with my sister tonight. (And still will if she tests negative, but I’m not optimistic.) Tomorrow morning the kids were going to dye eggs with their cousin. They’ll still dye them tomorrow, just without their cousin. Then we were going to have dinner at my parents with Ron’s sister, her boyfriend, her daughter, and their son. We’ll all have been on antibiotics for 24 hours at that point, but I’m guessing his sister will not want to be around us that soon after. We’ll see. At least we’ll all be fine for Easter dinner on Sunday!

But really, this just sucks.

Yesterday I went to visit a friend who had her first baby 3 months ago. Some of you may remember me writing about her; their baby was born with a defect and was in NICU for several weeks. They have been home for two months now, and were ready for visitors. I was so excited to see her and her baby. And, it was so much fun!!

While there (and after I left) I couldn’t help but relive my life as a mom. I thought about my first positive pregnancy test, my first OB appt., my u/s, the first movements, and the birth of my first child. (I also thought about all of these with my second, as well.) Not only did I think about them, I felt them. I felt the nervousness, the joy, the excitement, the fights with DH, the internal talk of “what-if”, “will I be good enough”, and I felt the complete sadness. While the joy and excitement is what I feel/think about every day, yesterday I felt the complete sadness.

After Sophia’s birth, I suffered PPD. But I didn’t recognize/get treated until she was 7 months old. During that time, I cried nearly two times a day. Sophia had reflux, only I didn’t know it for 8 weeks. So I had a baby who cried a lot, wanted to be held, ate all the time, and did I mention cry a lot? Since she was my first, I thought this was normal. Don’t all kids cry all the time, spit up all the time, and want to be held all the time? Don’t they all stay awake for hours in the night crying regardless of what the parents do? I thought so!

I was so tired, so exhausted. I wanted my old life back. I wanted to leave my child with someone and run away. And of course, I felt so guilty thinking this. And that made me feel even worse. I never wanted to be alone with my child, so when Ron returned to work, I would go to my parents daily. I would sit at the door just waiting for Ron to come home so I could hand her off to him. I had a friend who came once a week to just hold her, and be with us. I lived each moment of the day just waiting for someone to rescue me.

Even now, I am so sad about this experience. I am so sad that I refused to get help until she was 7 months old. I was breastfeeding and didn’t want to take anything because I didn’t want her to be effected. But now, I wish I had done something. I wish someone had MADE me do something. (Though I know this wasn’t possible.) For a while I had no idea that I would feel this way. But after having Drew, and knowing how different the experience could be, I started feeling this way.

I know I can’t change history. I can’t change my experience, and I am hopefully that this experience will benefit me, and others, at some point. (I’d hate to think there was no lesson to be learned from it!) But it still makes me sad. I see new moms loving their “new” job, and I feel sad that I didn’t feel that way with Sophia. She deserved better. I deserved better.

My friend is having some of these similar experiences. I’m not sure how much I can/want to talk with her about getting some help/relief. Her husband doesn’t understand her feelings (and really, how could he when so much of it is dictated by hormones?), so she isn’t addressing it with him. I hope she does.

Then, there is a person who was once a very important friend to me. Something in particular happened which caused us to no longer be friends. Even now, it makes me sad. I miss her. I miss her husband. I miss the relationship. But, because of what happened, I just [i]can’t[/i] be her friend. And that is so hard for me. Especially since they are expecting their first child in 6 weeks. It makes me very, very sad.

Conflicting with that sadness, I am angry. What happened was done when Drew was 6 months old. (Those of you who have had a 6 month old understand mom isn’t very confident at this point…for the most part. Or at least, I wasn’t.) So part of me wants to tell her, when her son is 6 months old, to think about what happened to me. Then let me know how SHE feels to have this happen to her when she has a 6 month old. Though, even if this does happen, and she has a better understanding, it wouldn’t change anything. I still wouldn’t be able to get past the hurt. I have forgiven her, told her this as well, but I just can’t move forward in the friendship.

And yet, I still mourn. I mourn the lose of this friendship, the lose of what I [i]thought[/i] first time motherhood would be like. Life doesn’t have any “do-overs”; you might get a second chance, but you don’t get a do-over. So I learn to mourn, to accept those things that I cannot change. I feel the sorrow, and usually, look to the future with a sense of hope. I reminisce, both the good and the bad, and am thankful that I have my family, spouse, parents, and friends. I am thankful for learning, changing, hoping, and believing.