A Bit of Cyn

We had our official weigh-in last night. I’ve lost 2.5 lbs. in the first week. I was hoping for 3 or 4, but I can’t complain too much. In fact, I should be pretty darn happy about losing 2.5! (One lady didn’t lose any, and another only lost 0.5 — though, she admitted to eating pizza twice that week.) My goal for this next coming week is 2 lbs. but I think that might be a bit optimistic. We shall see…

In some ways the dieting thing is getting easier. I’ve gotten into a routine of preparing the snacks and lunch for both Ron and I the night before. It makes it so much easier to just grab what I’m supposed to eat during the day rather than having to weigh it all out before I eat it. Grocery shopping is horrific, however. I’m spending SO much on groceries. But, we aren’t eating out now, so I’m sure it’s close to a wash.

I did well working out this past week. I worked out 5 times last week and that is my goal again this week. I work out 4 times a week at Curves, then use the elliptical machine at home one day over the weekend. If I get really motivated, I may try to do the elliptical on tomorrow as well. We’ll see.

I’m trying hard to stay focused and motivated. I see that this is helping (from the scale), but now I’m looking for a noticeable change in my clothes or something. There are several times a day when I want to say screw it. But doing that is really just sabotaging myself and my health. So I’m trying with all my might to stay focused. I certainly helps that Ron is doing it as well. I couldn’t imagine doing this while he sits down to eat a pizza or Taco*Bell.

Another health moment update: I have been soda free for a week now! Not even a little sip. This also means that I have been caffeine free for a week. This is huge for me!

I’ll love you forever,
I’ll like you for always,
As long as I’m living,
My baby you’ll be.

So I read that book last night to Sophia. I’m not sure it was my first time reading it, but it sure struck a chord with me. I even struggled a couple times to read it without crying. (I wasn’t ready to explain why I was crying.)

At first I was like, “Oh, I can totally understand/appreciate that!” Then I thought it was kind of funny that she was still rocking him as an adult. (And, how did she pick him up? He had to be heavy! And he never woke up? I want that child!)

At the end, the mom calls. She’s sick and tells him he should probably come over. He goes over and she starts the poem, but “can’t” finish. (Did she die? I think perhaps.) The son picks up his mom and rocks her, saying the poem to her.

It rocked me to the core. All I could think about was my mom and/or dad dying. Let’s face it, they aren’t getting any younger. And, anything could happen to end any of our lives at any point. But I’m not ready to face this huge loss in my life. My parents are so special to me, to my family. I can’t fathom how deep of a loss this will be, for me, for my kids, for my siblings.

When the son is done with his mom, he goes back home, goes into his baby daughters room, picks her up, rocks her, and says the poem to her. It was the sweetest thing. Life starting a new. Again, tears in my eyes. Such a sweet memory to pass along to another generation.

Tonight, Sophia was fake crying in her room. I asked her what was wrong, and she didn’t answer. I asked her if she need some attention and she said yes. We talked for a little bit. Before I left, she wanted a “big hug” — her words. When she finishes, I look at her and say, “I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.” She looked right into my eyes and smiled. She said, “That’s from Grandma’s book. I like that book.” What could I do but hug her again and tell her I love her? (And Drew, too.)