A Bit of Cyn

Excuse me if this doesn’t make much sense to you. I’m not ready to actually say what this is about, but I feel the need to write about it.

Yesterday I did something that I’ve wanted to do for 8 years; I confronted my sister. We were having lunch and the subject came up. I wasn’t planning to talk with her about it, but she brought it up several times. I finally came out and said how much she hurt me when she didn’t believe me way back then. And hurt me she did.

She said she was sorry, but looked more uncomfortable than sorry. She asked if there was anything I wanted her to do about it since she had now “acknowledged” it. (This being said because it’s what her therapist has my mom do to “make up” for her past wrongs to my sister.) I said no, I just wanted her to know how much it hurt. She said okay and went back to talking about herself.

I was thinking I would let it drop, but I didn’t because she brought it up again. So I figured I’d say something more. I mean, ideally I would have loved for her to say, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for not believing you. I should have, and I do now.” But she didn’t. Instead she said, “Well I took what I knew about you, took what I knew about him, and decided. Plus, I was pissed at mom and still am.” Yeah, not exactly what I was hoping for. So, I let it drop. Perhaps one day I’ll bring it up again to see if she now believes me or not. Though I’m not sure what the point would be. At least I’ve put my cards on the table; no more hiding them.

As for her comment, it really pisses me off. She “took what she knew about me” and decided I had lied? Come on! It’s not like I was 8 and said she was the one who broke the vase. I was 23, and was talking about a serious issue. She didn’t know me better than that? And she “took what she knew about him” and decided that he was telling the truth? The guy that she had only known for several months? Nice. Real nice. And what the heck did her being pissed at my mom have to do with her believing me or not? It makes no sense. But then again, she doesn’t make sense.

My sister and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I’ve never really enjoyed my sister, though I do love her very much. And what she did, by not believing me, really hurt me. It still hurts, it’s just not as raw. Maybe one day she’ll be able to see the situation differently. Maybe not. All I can do is know the truth, believe the truth, and live the truth.