A Bit of Cyn

Today I decided to participate in the NaBloPoMo this month. I’ll be posting something (though it may be quite boring) every day for the month of November. So come on by, leave comments, let me know someone is out there!!

We have returned from our first trip away from both children. Ron was in CO for a business trip so I flew out to meet him on Friday and we came back today. (Yeah, pretty short trip for me, but so worth it!) We had a great time just being us. No worries about nap times, bed times, what the kids would/wouldn’t eat, if a place was child-safe… You get the picture.

The trip started out, uh, not so well. I missed my flight. I woke up late after being up in the middle of the night with Drew. As I was about to head out, Sophia woke up screaming and crying. My mom was trying to get Drew back to sleep, so I went up with her. I got to the airport and parking was more difficult than I had assumed. All of this added up to me getting to the airport only 30 min. before my flight left. So, they wouldn’t let me get on the plane. I was so sick about it!! I mean, I had a short time there as it was. I went Stand-by on the next flight and was fortunate enough to get on.

Sadly enough, once I got to the hotel I was exhausted. So I napped for 3 hours! How pathetic. How many people do you know who fly to another state just to take a nap? Anyhow, it was nice to be able to nap! Ron showed me around the hotel/resort (we were at the Keystone Lodge), then we headed into the little town there. It was goregous there! Every where you look, mountains covered in snow. It was beautiful. We had dinner, did a little shopping, then headed back to the hotel.

We spent the rest of the evening watching TV together and just relaxing. It may not seem like much, but it was exactly what we needed. This morning we got up, watched more TV, ate breakfast, packed and headed out. We spent a great deal of time in the Denver airport, but that was okay…we were together and without kids!

The kids did quite well, according to everyone who watched them. Though my mom did have to get up with Drew a total of 5 times last night! Yikes! Apparently he wandered into our room looking for us, but didn’t ever cry out for Mama. Sophia did amazingly well. She never cried about Ron being gone, didn’t cry when I explained to her that I would be gone, and didn’t cry for us while we were both gone. I was pleasantly surprised by this! And, Ron and I are already trying to plan our next get-away!!

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I have a huge work deadline coming up, and my sitter for tonight bailed on me. Ugh. I’m leaving super early Friday morning for my first night away from Drew. It’ll also be the first time someone other than Ron or myself will be with both kids. As if that’s not stressful enough, I need to do laundry, clean the house, and go grocery shopping before I leave. I was hoping to spend tomorrow working, but I think I’ll be trying to get ready instead. It might be a late night tonight. *sigh*

Though I’m anxious about being away from the kids, and I know they’ll survive, I’m also quite excited. I’ve never been to Vail, and Ron said his hotel room is amazingly beautiful. It should be a very nice time alone together. We changed our return flight so that we wouldn’t have to leave the hotel at 5 am, so we’ll actually have a chance to sleep in. (Thanks, Dale, for watching the kids for us so we can stay a bit longer!!)

I guess I better get my butt in gear and get to work. Too much to do to sit here blogging!!

Excuse me if this doesn’t make much sense to you. I’m not ready to actually say what this is about, but I feel the need to write about it.

Yesterday I did something that I’ve wanted to do for 8 years; I confronted my sister. We were having lunch and the subject came up. I wasn’t planning to talk with her about it, but she brought it up several times. I finally came out and said how much she hurt me when she didn’t believe me way back then. And hurt me she did.

She said she was sorry, but looked more uncomfortable than sorry. She asked if there was anything I wanted her to do about it since she had now “acknowledged” it. (This being said because it’s what her therapist has my mom do to “make up” for her past wrongs to my sister.) I said no, I just wanted her to know how much it hurt. She said okay and went back to talking about herself.

I was thinking I would let it drop, but I didn’t because she brought it up again. So I figured I’d say something more. I mean, ideally I would have loved for her to say, “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for not believing you. I should have, and I do now.” But she didn’t. Instead she said, “Well I took what I knew about you, took what I knew about him, and decided. Plus, I was pissed at mom and still am.” Yeah, not exactly what I was hoping for. So, I let it drop. Perhaps one day I’ll bring it up again to see if she now believes me or not. Though I’m not sure what the point would be. At least I’ve put my cards on the table; no more hiding them.

As for her comment, it really pisses me off. She “took what she knew about me” and decided I had lied? Come on! It’s not like I was 8 and said she was the one who broke the vase. I was 23, and was talking about a serious issue. She didn’t know me better than that? And she “took what she knew about him” and decided that he was telling the truth? The guy that she had only known for several months? Nice. Real nice. And what the heck did her being pissed at my mom have to do with her believing me or not? It makes no sense. But then again, she doesn’t make sense.

My sister and I have always had a love/hate relationship. I’ve never really enjoyed my sister, though I do love her very much. And what she did, by not believing me, really hurt me. It still hurts, it’s just not as raw. Maybe one day she’ll be able to see the situation differently. Maybe not. All I can do is know the truth, believe the truth, and live the truth.

I’m working on a project for my dad, but I’m finding it very difficult to get into it. It’s a BIG project and is really stretching my comfort zone. I’m essentially putting together a 4 day course for him. I did complete the syllabut and send it for approval. Now I have to dig in, create the presentation, develop activities, and integrate material. Oh, and I only have 2.5 days to do it. Why do I procrastinate so much? I think it has to do with fear of failure. (Of course I increase my chances of failing when I procrastinate so much.)

Last week I worked 2 full days for my brother. I took the job even though I knew I had my dad’s work to do. But, my brother’s client pays more so I found it difficult to turn down. But I also lost two full days to work on my dad’s. Seriously, when I’m done here, I have to start working on my dad’s! Really, I must. Ok, here I go. Really, I am…

I made it through the day alone, without Ron here to help with the kids. I did, however, spend the morning with my parents. We went to church and out for lunch. We came home and played before we all took a 2 hour nap! We all needed it, but I knew it meant it would be a late night for the kids. That’s okay, though.

I managed to make dinner and even made banana bread from scratch! And it turned out pretty darn good if I do say so myself. I also made enough to bring to our neighbors house where we went and played this evening.

Totally random, but I want to record it before I forget. I know that many kids do this, but it cracks me up to see it. Drew LOVES to wear our shoes. He will hunt them down just to put them on. When he gets them on he’ll look at us with a huge smile, just so proud of himself. Then he’ll proceed to walk around the house. It is so cute!

I also heard Drew say please today for the first time! His daycare teachers have told me that he will say it, but he’s never done it for me. Today I went to hand him his milk, he looked at me, rubbed his tummy (sign for please) and said “eese.” So cute. Then when he took it, he said something that sounded like “thank you.” (You know when they don’t actually say the words but they get the sound of it? Yeah, that’s what it was like.)

Okay, it’s almost 10:30 pm and Sophia is STILL awake! I hear here up there, now I have to find out what mess she’s making. Ugh, I wish this child would have normal sleep habits!

I’m sitting here alone. The kids are sleeping in their beds/cribs, Ron is in another state, and I’m here. I’m content. Actually, I’m enjoying myself. I’m watching whatever show I want, changing the channel whenever I want, and surfing the Internet whenever I want.

Now, asking me tomorrow and I’ll probably feel differently. I will have the kids by myself all day, into the night. It’s going to be a long day. We don’t have any plans at the moment but I’m going to make some. There is just no way we can stay here, in the house, all day. Yes, tomorrow I will feel differently.

Ron asked if I was going to miss him. Yes, I’ll miss him. But for now, at this moment, I am enjoying alone time.

So there are a couple firsts that will be happening in the next couple weeks. The first: taking care of both kids by myself for a week. Ron is going to a conference for a week. I have only had both kids myself for a night. This is going to be a challenge, but I plan on making it as good as possible. I’ve lined up a sitter for the middle of the week to give me a break. My parents will be in town to help support me (and I’m sure supply dinner once or twice), and a neighbor has invited me over for dinner one night that week. So, it shouldn’t be too bad.

The second: The kids will be without both parents for a night. That’s right, Ron and I are spending the night together without the kids! I’m flying out to CO for one night (silly, huh?), the last night of Ron’s conference. He’s going to skip the last day so we can hang out. We’ve never left both kids, and it’ll be my first night away from Drew (who will be 17 months). My mom is going to spend the night here with them. I am really excited, but a little nervous as well. I’m sure they’ll do fine, and I’m sure I will as well.

Oh, and an update on the previous “First” post…. It hasn’t happened since. *sigh*

Yes, you’re reading it correctly. Last night was the FIRST night that Drew has slept through the night without waking. He went to bed at 7:45 pm and didn’t wake up until 6:45 am. Unbelievable! Of course, I woke up at 3:50 am waiting for him to wake up. Luckily I was able to doze on and off until 6:30 am. Ahh…bliss!