A Bit of Cyn

From our family to yours!

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Not sure how many people actually come by here, but I’m thinking people may be interested in an update. And at the very least, we’ll have a record of where we’re at today.

Mother-In-Law:
Ron and I went to visit my MIL about 2 weeks ago. She was weak, but improving. We could understand about 80% of what she said. Her cognitive abilities seemed to be quite good. She could spell words and using words in different ways (like foot can be a body part, or a measurement). She was feeding herself, though slowly, and it took her a while to chew her food. They even stopped using her feeding tube while we were there. We attended her Physical Therapy appt. and watched her walk! The therapist held her at the waist, and she used a walker, but she walked about 13 ft.! It was amazing to see, especially based on her condition when Ron last saw her.

She is extremely weak on her right side, having difficulty moving her left leg and arm. She shattered her right wrist in the accident and they did not repair is (as it was not a high priority over her living). As of right now, they do not have plans for surgery. It will likely heal however it heals, and she’ll deal with it. Fortunately, she’s left handed.

She still had her neck brace on, and it sounded as though she may for another 3 - 6 weeks. She broke her upper neck, so they fused it together at the based of the skull, down to like c4. She will never be able to turn or nod her head. Due to this, her neck muscles are extremely weak and she’s having difficulty holding her head up. (She can, it just takes a lot of effort.)

We’ll be calling her this weekend to get more of an update. As we understand it, she only has about 2 more weeks before she needs to leave her current rehab center. Medicaid (or medicare, not sure which) will only cover a certain period of time. After that, she’ll either need to return home or to a skilled nursing home. She really wants to head home (who could blame her!), but based on what I saw, I’m not sure it’s the safest place for her to be. I’m hoping the social worker at the rehab center will be looking out for what’s the best.

My Mom:
My mom has completed 32 of her 35 radiation treatments! We are all looking forward to her completion. Her energy level is very, very low, which is expected. She’s had relatively few side effects compared to many others, so in that respect, we are lucky. Right now, her largest struggle is with eating. Nothing tastes good, and most things make her tongue feel like it’s burning. As you might guess, it’s hard to eat when you feel like it’s burning your tongue! Needless to say, she has lost a lot of weight. To solve this, she had a feeding tube inserted on Monday. We’re hoping this will help her gain weight, and improve her energy.

She had an appt. with the surgeon a few weeks ago, and at that time, he could not see any cancerous lesions, only sores from the radiation. This is very good news! Her radiation doctor was quite pleased with how well she’s doing with the radiation. Apparently the next 2 to 3 weeks after the radiation treatments are complete are some of the worst for side effects. So we’re all bracing ourselves. The road ahead will be filled with uncertainties, but hopefulness. She’ll continue going to the surgeon once a month for check ups. If the cancer does come back again, it likely will not have a good outcome. So, we’re all about hoping and praying for the best!

And that, my friends, is an update regarding our moms. Hopefully I’ll be back with some lighter, more interesting subjects for you all. (Or, you one. lol)

It’s been a while since I posted, but I wanted to wait until I knew more. I know a bit more, but we still don’t know a lot.

On Tuesday, MIL had a trach and feeding tube placed. The plan was to wean her off the vent (trach) and see how she would do. The ethics doctor was not real confident that she would make it, but wanted to give her another week or two to see how she would do.

Yesterday (Thurs.), my MIL began following some commands. She would give a thumbs up when asked. She wiggled her toes when asked. She open her eyes and focused on people. And she gave smiles. We found out yesterday as well that she is moving today to another hospital to focus on rehab.

What does all this mean? We don’t know. The doctors notes before yesterday stated she had severe brain damage and her prognosis was quite grim. Then the doctors became optomistic. Then they became pessimistic. Obviously she is making progress. But how much? No one knows. We still don’t know how much she’ll be able to do physically or cognitively. And this has us worried.

We don’t want her to live a life where she can’t communicate. For us, that would be worse than death. We DO want her to recover enough cognitive function to communicate and enjoy life. We would mourn her physical lose, but that would be far less of a concern.

Ron and I are trying to find a time in the next month or so to go down and visit her (without the kids). I’m very anxious about doing this. We have never had a strong relationship. I harbor anger and hurt on Ron’s behalf based on her actions as he was growing up. But, her waking up gives me a glimmer of hope that they (and me) will have a chance to heal and forgive. It’s a second chance at having a relationship with Ron’s mom, my MIL, and the kids’ grandma. I welcome that second chance.

My MIL had surgery yesterday to stabilize her neck. The surgery went well, in that she did fine through it, and they were able to do what they needed to do. The hope is to remove her from sedation again today to see if they get a response.

I didn’t realize this until yesterday, and perhaps that just my lack of understanding, but the whole neck thing is more than a slipped/separated neck; she broke her neck. Her injury is the type that occurs during a hanging. So this is a very serious injury. (I knew that piece, but I guess I didn’t understand just how serious.)

The doctors are still concerned that she is not waking up. There was some damage to her brain stem, but not as much as they expected. They now think her brain was damaged due to lack of oxygen due to the heart failures, causing her to remain in the coma. Of course, with a coma, no one knows when/if she’ll come out of it.

Ron and his sister will be meeting with the surgeon on Monday to discuss the ventilator issue. They can only keep a person on a ventilator for 2.5 weeks before they risk infection. She is breathing on her own, but the nurses need to clear her throat every 30 min. so she doesn’t gag. One option is a tracheotomy. The other is, I guess, remove everything and see how she does. If they remove the vent and don’t give her a trach, she could choke on her own saliva.

This is so hard on Ron, as one would guess. No one wants their loved one to be in that in-between place where there body is living, but their mind is not. We’re aware that people do remain in comas for quite some time, and recover with some minor deficiencies. But the waiting, the limbo, is very hard. Ron feels guilty for not being there with her, and living his life. Yet, he can’t postpone his life waiting for something to happen. This whole thing could take years to resolve. My heart aches for him.

For those of you following along, I’ve have a slight update on my Mother-in-Law.

She was scheduled to have surgery today to stabilize her spine. However, the doctor had a busy schedule. She is now scheduled to have the surgery tomorrow between noon and 1 pm. It should take about 6 - 8 hours to complete.

They have had her off of sedation for over 24 hours. She has opened her eyes, but is not focusing. She has lifted her left knee, but no ones knows if that was intentional. If someone (the nurse) puts pressure on her chest, she uses her left hand to get them to stop. The doctors have said that this means nerves are communicating with the brain, but they don’t know how much. The doctors are now saying they are a little concerned with the fact that she has not “woken up” yet.

If you wouldn’t mind continuing to keep her, and the rest of us, in your thoughts and/or prayers, we’d greatly appreciate it. The next 48 hours could be telling.

Wednesday night, at 10 pm, we received a call from my Sister-in-Law. She called to tell us their mother was in a coma. She had been in a serious single vehicle car accident. She was unresponsive and the doctors asked the kids to fly down. We were up until midnight making arrangements and getting Ron packed. He had to wake up at 3:30 am to make his flight. Neither of us slept well that night.

Ron and his mom have had a strained relationship for 20 years. It began when his parents divorced when he was 16 years old, and the kids were given a choice as to which parent they wanted to live with. Ron chose to live with his dad. (Which really shouldn’t come as a surprise that a 16 year old boy wants to stay with his dad.) His sister chose to live with their mom. His mom was hurt by Ron’s decision, and lots of other stuff has happened during the last 20 years to cause hurt feelings. It has been 4 years since we’ve seen her, and at least a year since we’ve talked with her.

My MIL condition was touch and go, and no one knew whether she’d survive or not. In fact, they still don’t know. Ron and I have talked about what might happen if she passed before they were able to reconcile. But it was always too hard for him to address. Now, he’s been confronted with the reality that she may pass before he has the chance to talk with her, share with her, and try to heal. This has stirred up so many emotions for Ron, his family, and our family.

She has a large contusion on the back of her head, she had heart failure three times before they could get her stable. She has three areas of bleeding on her brain, indicative of strokes. (She will likely have some paralysis on her right side.) But the thing they are most concerned with is the slipped disc in her spine. The slipped disc is high up in the neck. If she moves, or is moved wrong, it could kill her or cause more problems. She is being sedated to ensure she does not move.

As long as her vitals remain stable, she will have surgery in 2 to 4 days. They will fuse her spine to ensure it won’t cause more problems. However, they have warned us that this could make things worse. When her vitals remains stable after the surgery, they will gradually decrease the sedation. It won’t be until that time that we know what damage has really occurred. (She was without oxygen at least 3 times with the heart failures; she hit her head hard, causing swelling; she experienced a stroke or two, killing brain matter; the slipped disc could have already caused permanent damage to the spine. There’s a lot against her.) We’ve been told that even with best case scenario, her recovery will be between 3 to 6 months.

Ron is flying back home tomorrow. He has been missing us, and we’ve been missing him. If her condition changes for the worse, he’ll return right away. But for now, there’s not much he can do, and this is likely to be a long process. His sister is hoping/planning to stay through the surgery before returning home. Then, we wait.

If I could have my way regarding this situation, it would look like this:

Ron’s mom will come out of the situation with minimal deficiencies. Ron will be able to, and willing to, have the tough conversations with his mom. His mom will be open to having the tough conversation and providing answers to his questions. They will both work with each other to heal and forgive. They will have a relationship with each other, if even a minimal one. There will be no regrets when one does pass.

In addition, my mom’s cancer has returned. It’s in a spot that doesn’t allow surgery. She will be enduring 8 weeks of radiation every day, M-F. This is a scary situation for me, as my mom means the world to me. She is scared and worried, and not doing well emotionally. It is so hard to see this, and so hard to think about what may be. But only time will tell what will happen with my mom as well.

Giving the above situations with both our moms, it’s given us time to reflect. Time to reflect on what has been, what is, and what could be. Time to reflect on what matters most, what changes we want to make, how we want to move forward.

I only wish we could have avoided these situations, and reflected regardless.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and the kids couldn’t be more excited. They’re excited about having the day off of school, and spending time with the whole family. But mostly? They’re excited about our Thanksgiving Tradition, bowling.

For as long as I can remember, our family has gone bowling on Thanksgiving Day, prior to enjoying our dinner together. We invite friends if they don’t have plans. And we bowl. It’s funny how this is probably the one tradition we ALL (even us grown up kids) look forward to this tradition. Even better, is watching MY children excited about this tradition. I had no idea that this would be one of the traditions my kids really looked forward to. Sophia has picked out her Thanksgiving Day outfit. But even more, she’s picked out her DOLL’S Thanksgiving Day outfit. (With a note under it that says, “I can’t wait!”)

I’m looking forward to many more years of this tradition, sharing it with my parents and my children.

So, what traditions do you and your family have?

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On a side note, this Thanksgiving has a little extra meaning behind it. My mom’s oral cancer has returned. It may have moved to one lymph node. She’ll begin radiation therapy after Dec. 7. She’ll receive it every day, M-F, for 8 weeks. So this year, I’m extra thankful for the opportunity to spend another holiday with my family, the whole family. I’m thankful for my family, and all they do/mean to me.

From me to you and your family, Happy Thanksgiving to my US friends! (Sorry I missed the Canadian Thanksgiving!)

I’m stealing this from Giselle. I thought it was interesting and may give you a look into my little life. So here it is…

A- My Air-conditioning is set at….well, nothing. It’s winter, duh! But in the summer it’s set at 72. In the winter, the heat is set at 68.

B- My Bedroom theme is…none existent. We don’t have a headboard or matching furniture. We like different blankets at night, so even they don’t have a theme - maybe our theme is: college student, unmatched but comfortable. Yeah, that’s it!

C- The Car in the driveway is… sorry, no driveway. In the garage is my Toyota Sienna, and Ron’s car (Audi A6). Both happen to be gray.

D- My Desk looks like…a couch. No really, I do my work sitting on the couch. I have a plastic drawer thing that I keep papers on top of. Ron’s desk is a bit messy, partly because I pile stuff up on it. (I’m a piler. If there’s a flat surface, I’ll pile stuff on it.)

E- The Exact time I usually wake up… is usually 6:30 am, when the kids (or Ron) wake me. I’m not a morning person, so I usually lay in bed until about 7 am (if the kids allow it).

F- The First thing I want to wash in the shower… is my hair. I believe that started when I was younger, and thought leaving the conditioner is for a long time was really good. The conditioner would stay in while I washed the rest of me!

G- My Garage is filled with… crap. It has your usual garage stuff, the summer toys are stored in there, and a couple containers of clothes that need to be returned to my friend. (She gives me the clothes her two girls grew out of, then I give them back, and she gives them to another mom.)

H- My House…is a rectangle. No, really. It was built in 1994, and it a complete rectangle. But, plenty of room for all of us. With an open floor plan and 4 bedrooms on one level (my two main requirements).

I- If you peeked Inside my bedroom, you’d see… a mess. It’s probably the room that gets picked up the least. We have a king sized bed, two night stands, a lateral file cabinet, and a 9-drawer dresser. Then, you’d find many, many piles. (We talked about piles already, right?)

J- My favorite Juice is…not a huge fan of juice, but grape juice is my favorite.

K- The best part of my Kitchen is…the pullout shelves in the cupboards. I love that I can load all the pots and pans in there, and pull the shelf out to see what’s in there. Love it!

L- The Last person who visited my home was…the two neighborhood kids my kids play with often. If you’re talking about adults, it would probably be our friends, Dale and Darcie.

M- The last piece of Mail for me was…our insurance check from the tree falling incident. Woohoo!! Let the repairs begin.

N- My neighbors think I’m…a pretty cool kid. lol No really, I think most like me. The probably think I/we could do a better job maintaining our yard and bushes, etc. But compared to the previous owners, we’re WAY cooler, so that helps!

O- If you Opened my fridge you’d see…the usual - leftovers, milk, OJ, French Vanilla creamer, yogurt - lots of it, condiments, eggs, fruit, veggies, etc.

P- My last house Party was…Huh, house party? Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever had what one might refer to as a House Party. About a year ago we did have about 20 people over for games, food, and adult beverages.

Q- A Quick meal I like to make is…cereal. Or, a Lean Pocket.

R- My favorite Room of the house is…my bedroom, cuz, you know, it has my bed in it! But really, I think Ron’s den is the coolest room - it’s actually decorated and feels comfortable.

S- The Shampoo brand I use is…Bath & Body Warm Vanilla and Paul Mitchell - I alternate.

T- My largest Television is… I think it’s 50 or so inches. It’s in Ron’s “man cave” which has become the place we all like to congregate to watch movies.

U- Under my bed you will find…under the bed storage containers, and poster boards with our company’s information on it.

V- The last time I Vacuumed was…Monday. I’m not very good at the vacuuming.

W- Looking out my Window I see…our neighbors houses in the front, and our backyard in the back (which consists of a deck, hot tub, couple small trees, a play set for the kids, and our garage.

X- I wish I had X-tra… time, and money.

Y- My Yard is…postage stamp size. Which works for us because we suck at taking care of the yard.

Z- Zzzzzzz, my bedtime is…around 10:30 pm. Unless I’ve played soccer at 10 pm (like tonight). Then it’ll be like 12:30 or 1 am.

I was tagged by the one and only, Echo. And well, I always do as I’m told, so I’m completing the following meme. (Well, that and I think this might be kind of fun! Hope you think so, too!)

Ten years ago…
In 2000, I left the company that both Ron and I worked for. And believe it or not, the new company allowed smoking IN the building. (It was so awful!) We had been married for about 2 years, and living in our first house. We got to puppies, Anney and Abbey, who became our babies. We both also started our Master’s degrees at the University of Minnesota.

Seven years ago…
2003 was a big year here! I finished my Masters degree, and 3 days later, our first child was born! We spent the good portion of that year adjusting to parenthood. I quit my job and began contracting (through my dad). I had some serious PPD which I refused to get help for. (I did eventually, and really wish I would have earlier. If you’re in this situation, please seek help earlier rather than later! /PSA) We also made the heart wrenching decision to give our puppies up for adoption. Literally one of the hardest decisions we have EVER made.

Five years ago…
2005 brought another big change in our lives; Drew was born. We spent the last half of the year adjusting to two children. I assisted my dad with completing the text book he was writing. Two of my nephews were also born that year. (Yep, big year for boys in our family!) At this point, my brother, dad, and I formed our own HRD consulting company, McLean Global Consulting.

Three years ago…
In 2007, we did NOT welcome a new child. lol Sadly, I do remember this is the year we got rid of all pacifiers. (Yes, Sophia still had hers. Don’t judge. lol) I think other stuff happened, but I have no idea what! (Yep, I’m lame like that.) Oh, we began working on finishing our basement. Which is not done yet. Sigh…

Two years ago…
Sophia started Kindergarten in 2008. Ron and I also went on our first International vacation since having kids. We went to Italy with friends and had a fabulous time!! I got my very first brand new vehicle, my Toyota Sienna (which I am still in love with).

One year ago…
Ron and I traveled to NYC with the same group of friends we went to Italy with. It was a great time! I enjoyed NYC much more this time than I did the last time I was there (maybe 1994?). I finally got back to playing soccer after a 15 year hiatus.

Today…
Today I am a work from home (usually) mom to two kiddos. I’ve done some work this morning, need to run to the mall, and take my dad to my mom’s radiation appt. This evening, at 10 pm, I have a soccer game. Hope I stay awake for it. lol

Tomorrow…
I’m sleeping in after my late night soccer game! That night I’m going to my brother’s house for game night with friends and family. I’m looking forward to it!

And because I’m lazy, I won’t tag others. Though, if you want to do this, I’d love to read it! So, leave me a comment if you do this so I can be sure to see what YOU were doing “way back when”!

In one hour, I will pick my mom up from her house. We will drive together to the University of MN campus. We’ll park the car, then walk through the many buildings until we find ourselves at the office. My mom will check in, and we’ll wait. Will we talk? Will it be quiet? I’m not sure. When her name is called, we’ll go to the room, and wait some more. Until finally the moment will be here.

How does one prepare for this?

Last week the surgeon found a lesion on her tongue that “greatly concerned” him. (She had a cancer lesion removed a little over a year ago.) They performed a biopsy. The surgeon didn’t want to say much, but did finally tell her that if it were back, it would involve surgery, with reconstruction of her tongue, and/or radiation. If the cancer was back, she’d need to undergo many tests to determine if it has spread or not.

So, how does one prepare for this?

Today the biopsy results are due back. My dad is out of town, so my mom has asked me to go with her. She called me at noon, telling me to prepare myself for the worst. The hospital had called her to set up all of the “tests”. It looks like we’ll be hearing the news we all hoped to never hear again.

How do I prepare for this?

I can’t even begin to describe my feelings. I’m numb, but I’m scared. I’m optimistic, but frightened to death. I don’t know how to prepare for this.